Grief, it's a Bitch

Was not sure if I would write another entry. It has been quite a awhile since I felt the need to do so. Who knew a trip to Target would trigger a need.

Since I was not in a hurry, I decided to stroll around Target before checking out. I found myself looking at the boardgames for some reason. Girl who looked to be my age was standing there. Couple minutes went by and I hear "What game would you suggest for a game night" I began to tell her I use to play but so many new games and she starts crying. Looks away and mumbles a sorry and so embarrassed. I did what Mom would do, pulled out a tissue and asked if she was ok.
"Oh I feel so stupid. Having a group of friends over tomorrow night that I have not seen in awhile and I am so worried. I just want a fun night"
I just continue to wait for her to finish
" My dad died 8 months ago, I shut them all out"

I wanted to hug her right there and then. Oh I know I wanted to scream. I know exactly what you mean. I clenched my teeth praying I would just not start crying right there with her. Instead I found the words " I lost my Mom two years, I did the same thing"

The look of relief on her face. I knew the look. I had the same look anytime I talked to someone who had lost a parent. They did not judge you for your mood swings, your crying spells, the many many cancelled plans (real guilty there)

So there in a Target isle, two girls stood and chatted over a hour about grief and what a bitch it is. Grief, you must go through it but oh how it can break your spirit, ruin relationships, hurt your career, cause health problems etc. There is no pill or treatment to fix it. It is just a bitch. Sometimes it can make you stronger and might take years to do so or sometimes it can just ruin you.

I will call her Target Girl, oh how I hope Target Girl has fun with her friends tomorrow. I hope her friends will be able to look past her behavior and know it had nothing to do with them. I hope her friends can forgive her. I hope her friends will continue to "put up with" her future behavior. I lost so many close to me. I don't blame them now. I did, I thought how could you just walk away when I was hurting. Being that I completely shut them out, I really left them no choice. Besides, they loved who I was not who I was becoming.

So Target Girl has caused a blog entry.