2 months

How can it already be two months????? When does it start to get easier??

So here I am again writing on this blog. Pop is going to weekly grief meetings and I am avoiding it all. I was doing better last month than now. Maybe its the fact the diet coke cans already have snowflakes on them or stores have Christmas crap all over the place. Halloween was hard enough without her. How in the hell do Pop and I handle Thanksgiving and Christmas?

I left my job. Maybe I was not ready to go back or maybe the fact I was dealing with patients from the cancer center every shift did it. I just could not face it another day. Some may say it was good to work now and get me out but I just could not take another patient from the cancer center.

I still have been spending most time with my cousins. Over the Halloween weekend I did go out with my dear Anne who made me laugh every chance she had. Anne also gave me the most beautiful gift, I was able to hear Moms voice. Anne kept a voicemail mom left her and I finally was ready to hear it. I listened twice before handing the phone back, I could have just laid down and put it on repeat all night.

I am still struggling with people in my life. Still those that feel I have changed too much and tired of my ongoing mood changes. Still those that feel I am not myself. I have sat back and tried to view their points but at same time wonder if they have done the same for me. Sad what times like this brings to light.

I miss her more each day and wonder when that time comes where it will become easier. I hope soon

I love you Mom