Happy Birthday Mom

Happy Birthday Mom!!! It was a beautiful fall day, one you would have loved. Pop and I went to Jefferson Barracks. As you already know, I have a very hard time going there. Pop goes so often, at times I think he goes and never tells me. Yellow roses, your favorite. As I unwrapped them, three buds fell to the ground. I of course got upset but placed them on the headstone. Pop quietly said, "she did that, it is for the three of us" He gets so teary-eyed as he stands there. I just get angry, I get so angry. I always wipe off the headstone, I cant stand for any dust or dirt to be there. I get upset that the grass has maybe one tiny weed. I stand there hoping to feel you, to hear you speak to me, I never do. I realized today, its simply because you are not there. You are always with me, you are always with Pop. You are with all your Peaches. You are everywhere Mom, you are with your family when they need a little sense of calm or comfort. You are with your friends when they need to see or hear something for a giggle. You are just too busy being the angel you always were to be there.
It has been over a year now. Some days are easier, some days I still don't know how I manage. I wish I could tell you that I found a sense of peace with it. I hope that day does come soon.
Fall is here, my favorite time of the year. I decorated the house for you. You really have a lot of crap Mom :) The fall and Halloween decorations are out. Pop is upset I put out the 2 black cat heads. He told me like he always told you that they freak him out. Don't worry, they are right on the buffet where everyone can see them. I know with each holiday I need to decorate this house. I hope one day I will enjoy it again. I think while it bothers me this is your house not sure it would make a difference when I have my own place again or not. It is just pulling out the decorations and knowing a holiday is approaching, a holiday without you.
Bernice's Girls and Boys are starting to campaign again. The climb will be here before we know it. I hope we grow our team size and bring in even more donations. Each step for you Mom.
Happy Birthday Mom, my best friend and angel. I miss you so.