Sometimes you just have to scream

I am pissed off!! That sums up how I am feeling today and yesterday, I am just one pissed off gal.

Here is what lead to me being PISSED OFF!. For some reason the more I write that the better I feel. Anyway, yesterday I go over to parents at 9am. My dad wanted to go run around with his friend and I was going to stay with mom. She was dressed when I got there which made me smile and she told me she was hungry for a salad. (I know, 9am and a salad but hey she was going to eat) So mom and I go to Bread company... where else do you get a salad at 9am. I was disappointed in how much she ate. Not even close to half. She looked exhausted so I wanted to get her home but she made the comment it felt nice to be out. She said"Carrie if you have anywhere you want to go, I can just wait in the car" Oh my dear sweet mother. I suggested we drive around Elk Park and then go home. She smiled and right away agreed. She loves that park as much as me. But, rainy morning and we did not see anything. I get her home and snuggled in and she slept all day.

Came home around three or so and walked into the leasing office. This is where I get pissed. I was suppose to hear from them on Friday about how they were willingly to work with me on breaking my lease. Let me say this first, I LOVE my apartment. Anyone who has been here raves about this place. I have referred a family member and friend here. I brag about this place. New owners came in last year and things started to go downhill. The manager in the leasing office left two weeks ago. I loved her, she gave me my cat Savannah. I know if she was still here and the old owners were still here this would not be happening.

So, I walk in and the guy looks at me like he has never seen me before even though I have talked to him three times this past week. I take a breath and try to act polite and say"any news on my lease"

"oh.. uhhhh...your lease? Oh right you are the one with the sick mom"

OK... right there I really wanted to take the big gulp he was sucking on and remove the straw and stick it in countless holes in his body. Instead.....

"Yes, so is there any news"

"Yep, got a email from the owners. They feel they can not distinguish what a crisis is or is not. So you have to follow the lease. Thirty day written notice with rent amount. Two additional months to break the lease and we keep deposit"

I at this moment try to hold back tears and then I just get pissed. Those of you who know me know I have a temper when I really get pissed. Takes something big but bad temper. The bitch in me has been asleep for about two years and that guy just woke her up. I stared for a moment before I spoke. I was trying to decide if I should just mumble OK and walk out the door before I would lose my temper but then all of a sudden words were flying out like crazy.

I went on to tell him I had letters from Dr., the cancer center, the social worker. I asked him if he had a mother at one point. And I really went on about what a "crisis" is. I continued to let him know what a ass I thought he and the owners were. I let him know I would never refer another person here, I was going to write reviews on every apartment online search. That my plan was to move back after mom... and I now would never come back. I just went off.

Was it the right thing to do?? Probably not, but he just happened to push me too close to the edge. Its been building up. I have been pissed that this is happening. I am pissed my mom is sick. I am pissed that my dad can't handle it. I am pissed I am having to take over my Uncle and no one is helping. I am pissed that pharmaceutical companies are making a fortune off people like my mom who are paying 200 for one medication. I am pissed at the guy that has radiation the same time as mom, he walks in alone, smiling, and looking all healthy. There is mom who is so worn out from the walk down the hall she barely makes it to the chair. I am pissed at a friend who claimed to always be there and since mom has been sick not one phone call. I am pissed that I feel so alone in this ( I know many of you call, text, email offers of support, don't take offense) I am pissed that this apartment complex feels I have no justified reason to break my lease.

So, its been building up. I wish I could say I felt better after yelling at him. Not at all. Felt good to scream a bit but not better. Still pissed, still sad, and problem was not solved. If mom heard this, she would tell me I should have counted to ten and walked away. I love that when she gets really mad she can count to ten and its gone. I never count to ten, I end up counting to fifty or higher. But like we all know mom is just a special person.

I guess I have hit the angry stage. Might just last a couple of days or might last a couple of weeks. Thank goodness I never sold that punching bag!!