Purple Toes

Before anyone freaks out... No, mom did not wake up and have purple toes. Pedicure yesterday and Ellen painted my toes purple. I just looked down and saw the cute color and had no other thought for a title!! :)

Lets start with yesterday. Mom and I went to get a pedicure yesterday morning. She had such great days on Thursday and Friday. Oh it was wonderful!! She asked me to call Ellen to set up pedicures for Saturday morning so she could have cute toes for our dear friend and my second father Roger's (not my Roger) birthday party on Saturday. We did not make the party. :(

I picked mom up in the morning and knew right away she was not feeling well. Walking slower than on Friday she sat in my car and sighed.
"Mom, we can cancel"
"No, I want to go"
She then went on to tell me that she was having problems swallowing. Her chest was in pain and she felt exhausted. I tried to tell her Ellen would not mind and understand if we cancelled but she really wanted to go. I believe she thought it would help.
Ellen started mom's pedicure first and mom loved it. She talked about how the warm water and massage felt so good. Ellen was so gentle with her and gave her a wonderful massage. Mom began telling both of us about a co-workers friend who was diagnosed with lung cancer, had surgery, and was doing so well. She sat the magazine down in her lap and turned to me and said "Carrie, why cant they just remove my lung"

Oh, crap. We were told surgery was no longer a option because it is stage four and already has spread. Ellen just looked at me and I could tell she was wanting to cry as much as I wanted to. I sat my magazine down and looked at mom. She then said "Its too far along, right"

I could only say "Yes"
She went back to her magazine and Ellen continued to rub her legs. Its those moments that kill me. Its those moments where I know mom knows what we are facing and just cant believe it. Its those moments I just want to grab onto her and take it all away. Its those moments where I say to God, give it to me instead.

After her pedicure, I offered to call dad to come get her so she would not have to sit and wait for me. She told me she had already told Dad to do just that. Dad arrives and I walk her and her cute pink toes out to the car. She hugs me and said I just cant make it to Rogers party. Please call Tara.

Go back in salon and walk over to Ellen. She hugs me. Told me it broke her heart when mom asked about removing her lung. Told me she just wants to hug her over and over. I know Ellen, me too!

Later in day I go check on her and still no better. I end up going home because I start sneezing and sniffling like crazy. By 9 last night my head and throat are killing me and I know I have caught a little bug. Have not gone over today because no way will I risk giving my mom a cold. I have made about ten calls over there.

Mom has been vomiting this morning and in pain. Its a bad day for her. I once again had to go over with her and dad both about the schedule of the nausea medicine. Every 4 hours but on days like this it can be 3. They replied they thought it was every 6 hours! No, no, no. Days like this I know I am making the right decision moving back in.

I just called over and dad was concerned that mom was not eating today. I asked what has he tried to give her and he said everything. He said she is in pain and did not want to eat. He then said you talk to her and make her eat.

Mom gets on the phone and ask if she has taken the nausea pills. "yes" OK that's good, has it helped "yes"
OK mom then you need to eat. Why do you not want to eat?
"My chest hurts"
"Mom, did you take your pain medicine?"
"No"

grrrrrr........ I tell her to take the pain medicine which will help the pain in her chest. The nausea medicine will not let her get sick from the pain meds.

"OK" just like that.

Dad gets back on phone and said "Well".....oh goodness
I asked him if he had told her to take the pain medicine since she said she was in pain!?!?

"No"

Oh .... count to 100, throw a shoe across the room, hit mute and say a few things aloud.....

"dad, when she is in pain you need to giver her the pain medicine"
"OK"

That's really all I can write about that phone call. I think it sums it up itself.

On a different note, I received a wonderful invite to go join a girl I went to high school with for a pedicure today. Thank you Liz! Had one yesterday plus feeling lousy but it was so sweet. I still can not get over how wonderful so many have been. People I have not seen in years with their kind emails and sweet offers. I love you all for it.