Lingo

Mom and I are sitting here watching Lingo. She is in her recliner covered in blankets and a heating pad and I am wishing I had a fan right in front of me. We basically have the heat on in the house because she is so cold. I did not go to work today, just could not leave her. Normally, I do not mind going to work and do not go through the struggle of making my way out the door like I do for everything else.

Pop and I went to pick her up from the Dr office today where she has been getting her daily fluids. Her blood pressure was 64/42 when she arrived at the office. When Pop told me that, I called work and said I would be there Thursday. We have been back home for almost a hour now but happy she wanted to sit in the recliner rather than go to bed.

Hospice will be here at 9am tomorrow. Not sure how I feel about it. I know it will be great relief for her and a huge help but also know what it means.

Last four days have been rough in so many ways. Pop is starting to show his crying side again. He continues to walk up to me and ask what else we can do? Why is this happening? Why does she sleep so much? I am once again tearful and frustrated. Apparently a memo went out for everyone who has something to say to me to make me cry just a little bit more to send it via voicemail, text, and email the last three days. I will only write very little about this.... if you feel I am keeping you from my mom, grow some balls and come visit. I have never said no one is allowed here. If you have called and asked and my Pop or I said it was a bad day, its because it was a bad day. This does not mean we are keeping you from seeing her. If you feel I am writing negative things about you and only you on my blog, well I guess you are paranoid and feel guilt about something. Yes I do bitch on this blog but like I said from the beginning, its my form of getting it all out. If you feel you just don't know me anymore and never did, well I guess your right. The fact that maybe I have turned to some and not others, please just let me turn to those I feel comfortable with at this time. No, it does not mean I don't love you. If you are upset that I don't answer the phone and maybe feel as though I am being selfish, I am truly sorry. I am not trying to hurt anyone through all this. Right now I am just trying to get through each day and be there for my Mom and Pop.

I will write a update tomorrow after Hospice leaves.

One day at a time.............