My Big Brother

Maybe I have vented a little too much on this blog. Many are beginning to become distant from me and upset with some things I have wrote. I can say I never meant to hurt anyone but at the same time I am being very honest with my feelings.

Earlier tonight I found myself upstairs alone. Mom went to bed at 7pm. Pop followed her shortly there after. Did a load of laundry and found myself flipping channels. Of course sitting there alone my thoughts go to tomorrow morning and the fact that hospice will be here. My phone rang a few times and believe it or not I answered. Each person asked if they had woke me up. I guess they could not tell that I was awake and I was just little teary eyed and trying not to let on. Then my phone rings and I see its my big brother. I hear that loud voice and it takes Fadler a second to know I am crying. "Quit, talk to me, hows mom" Fadler always knows, he has always been one that I could never fool even with my best acting skills. This guy truly is like family to us. He came into our lives through my cousin and over the years he became family. When I was little( 16-24 ha) I just thought Fadler was the shit. Ehh, I still do. My mom grew attached to him and basically it was decided he was her "adopted son" He has called her mom over the years and loves her just as much.

Throughout our friendship, he has always been one constant figure in my life that tells me how it is and I listen. I always listen to peoples advice but when it comes to Fadler, he has a way that I do what he says and most of the time will not question it. He is always looking out for us. Mom really misses when he lived 5 minutes away because he was here weekly cutting the grass, helping dad move something, or just meeting my parents out for dinner. She spoiled him at macys more than me half the time.

He got right to the point tonight. Stop crying, get off the couch, and do something. He then said something that surprised me " Stop being mad at God, Mom would be so mad at you for that" I stuttered a bit and he said" I know you, I know you are mad, you need to stop that bullshit right now. Its not God that did this"

He gave me a good talking to and some things that others might be scared to say. I listened and found myself sitting up straighter and tears drying up. I feel my strength coming back and its because of his words. Plus I cant really say no to a 6'3 former marine, I mean look at the guy, would you say no... ha.

He is coming tomorrow to see our mom and bring her some veggies from his garden. I know I better be bright eyed and in a good mood when he gets here. He will make sure of that. I will say that God has blessed my parents and I with some pretty incredible people. Mom always wanted many children and I never wanted to be a only child. But I am not a only child and mom has three daughters and one son... I have the two best sisters in the world Tara and Anne and a big brother that will always tell me how it is.

One day at a time.........