Confined to basement and no longer the Strong one

Here comes the honesty again. To all those that have called the last couple of days and I hear my dad say "Well, its not a great day but only because she did not sleep last night" well.... that's my Pop now being the strong one. Last few days have been awful. She is in pain all over even in her legs. She barely has the strength to get down the hall. Somehow she is being a trooper by sitting in the recliner during the day rather than just stay in bed. I don't know where she gets that strength.

During all this every time I talk to a family member or family friend, I am always asked "how is your dad" My response has always been "he is a mess" Pop was a mess, he was breaking down all the time, stressed out, and just did not know how to handle it. I was the strong one who was able to talk about it, who talked during the Dr. appts, and who just did not cry in front of mom. Pop and I have completely switched roles the last few days. We each have our bad days or days that I refer to as Pop broke today. Well I have been broken for the last four days. I am crying non-stop. I simply look at mom and tears just well up. She looks so frail and in so much pain. It does not help that I had a fever Saturday night and still have cold symptoms so I have tried to stay away from her. Being sick and in a basement can make anyone sad I guess. I should not act like its a dark unfinished basement. Its like my own little place down here but I have the lights off in my room with nothing but crap tv on. I am so proud of Pop for being the strong one, I just cant do it anymore. Hopefully this will pass and I will reemerge with that smile on my face and hugging mom. Right now I can't stop the tears when I see her.

I work tomorrow so I hope that will lift my spirits a bit. I know I have to get out of this funk for mom but can't seem to do it alone this time.

I usually end each entry with One day at a time but this one will be different. My dear cousin Dana gave me some great advice while she was here from Georgia. If it can only be one hour at a time that I stay in control, then take it one hour. She told me this while we were setting up the picture boards for moms party. I joked it would not be a hour more like 15 minutes.

So Dana... 15 minutes at a time.....................